Behind the Blindfold of Lies
by Riku of Darkness
Summary: Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat And no matter how hard I try, no matter how much blood, sweat and tears I shed, no matter what I sacrifice and contribute... ...He’ll never give me that loving gaze of a proud father...
1. Crimson Tears of a Shattered Mirror

**Pre-story Notes:**

... For Narration

_…_ Reflections

"…" Spoken words for the scene

'_…_' Direct thoughts for the scene

_**…**_ Dark thoughts/reflections from deep within

**x-x-x-x-x** Separation borders to indicate chosen song Lyrics

**x-x** Separation borders to indicate a memory

Separation borders to indicate entrance into the soul will be the border provided in Document Manager. (Second part only)

This story is a two-part one-shot. The first is an indepth look into the eyes of Issachar and the second is his surrender to the darkness that consumes his heart. I apologize about the messiness of the scattered script. In the hard copy version, I have special symbols to make it easier; symbols that aren't permitted in Document Manager. Any questions? Please ask.

I know not the colour of these character's eyes, or any other physical traits I may have given them in this story. I do not know what chores they were assigned, how they were carried out or what their interests were. Everything in this story is a fabrication of how I believed the character Issachar felt at this time and how I thought Joseph and the others reacted. I have not read the Bible's account of the story of Joseph, and so this story solely reflects what I have taken from the musical "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat". I played the character, Issachar, in my school's re-enactment of this play and was inspired to write this story after explaining to the class why I wanted to play this role. I believe that these brothers were the true sufferers in this account; everything revolves around Joseph, even the play itself. No one ever _seems _to stop to consider the true feelings of these forgotten brothers. Well, I did, and have attempted to put them into written form through my character. I hope those who read this account enjoy it and perhaps see the brothers the way I have.

There are a lot of people I want to dedicate this story to. First off, I'd like to thank the teachers and students from the MAD program. Had I not been given this role, I highly doubt I would have had the initiative and desire to actually write and finish this one-shot. I especially like to thank those who asked me about my writing sometime within the weeks that I have appeared with my notebook in hand; each of you gave me a lot of support when you asked, some even asking to read what I had so far. I won't list any names, for the fear that I may accidentally leave one out; you all know whom you are.

I want to thank my Mom for helping me throughout the process of creation. There were times where I would literally rant for hours about this, sometimes about what I have, what I hoped to do and the difficulties I was experiencing. She not only listened to these rants, but she helped provide her own insight about the entire story, which included a few notes from the original story. I don't know if I bugged her or not, but thanks so much.

My best friend Denise was, of course, a huge help when writing this lengthy thing. I like to call her my personal editor since sometimes my mind likes to over-create, often providing me with non-existent words and quirky sentence structures. She's also a spelling/grammar error homing device, which helps when I fail to realize my own mistakes. But then, isn't that what friends are for?

Another major influence: Evanescence. Their lyrics are featured in this story multiple times; from the songs "Lies", "Missing", "Tourniquet" and "Exodus". I would play Evanescence sometimes when writing this story as the lyrics and mood fit so perfectly.

Finally, and I know people will laugh at this but I'm being totally serious, I want to send my thanks to the creators of the PS2 game: Kingdom Hearts. The character, Riku, from that game has given so much insight about the depth behind anti-heroes and the corruption of internal darkness, that he just may be my biggest influence of all. Heck, I started writing because of that one character and the suffering his heart went through. Without that knowledge and experience, I'm not sure if this account could really exist. The entire section where Issachar's soul is entered; that's completely inspired by the silver-haired warrior, Riku.

-

**Behind the Blindfold of Lies - Crimson Tears of a Shattered Mirror**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x  
**_Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear  
__Sealed with lies through so many tears  
__Lost from within, pursuing the end  
__I fight for the chance to be lied to again_  
**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

'_Crimson…and silver…and…um rose…and…what azure? Lemon? Peh, why am I bothering to keep track what colours are on that blinding fabric spectacle…?_' A faint bleat enters my heated thoughts and dances softly about me. An envious, though solemn sigh slowly exits my chapped lips as my hand absentmindedly wipes away a section of salty emission from my forehead, though I only really succeed in spreading it across my skin. The sun seems to be kissing my face a little more harshly today, though I can't really decipher if there is a hidden meaning to that. Perhaps it is _just_ my imagination…

'_But then, how can I not take note of that freak rainbow coat when it's constantly being crammed down my throat by Joseph and otherwise…?_' A sudden flinch jolts through my body as a sharp pain in my lip is finally realized. I guess I have been biting it a lot lately…mostly to keep my bitter thoughts where they were; merely comments of the mind and nothing more. The sensation of metallic crimson slips over my tongue and I quickly wipe my chin of any excess. I guess it's just getting harder to keep quiet…not that anyone would care to notice…

Pulling myself to my feet, I retake the hoe into my hands and begin to trench the soil properly, so that the corn sprouts would grow correctly. I had a few more rows to go, and then everyone would all help plant the seeds for this year's crop. I glance out across the fields for a second and notice Reuben helping Benjamin begin his share of the planting. A small smile tugs at my lips as I see a grateful expression on the young boy's face, even at this distance. Reuben kind of had that affect on me too; always there when you really needed it.

I steadily go about my task, occasionally trying to locate my other brethren to see how they're faring. Gad, Asher and Dan are on sheep duty; you know, care and maintenance and such. Naphtali, Simeon and Zebulun are tending to some other crops amongst the farm; I can't see them, but I assume they're hard at work, too. Levi had just finished his section of the cornfield and went to his other chores. I had started after him, completing my other duties beforehand, and then coming back out here. So naturally, he finished first.

After completing another row, I catch Reuben's supporting gaze as he prepares to begin his own planting by going to obtain his seeds. I throw him a small smirk in return and raise the hoe again to begin. Yeah, this was our basic summary of the day. We live on a farm, a rather large one actually, and so we spend our days tending to it. Occasionally, the jobs become tedious, but Benjamin told us once to make a game out of it, so even the most monotonous jobs can be made fun. It's a family tradition, if that's what you want to call it. We all work together to maintain the home, and in return, we've all become one of the most relied upon families for food. Let me guess: you're probably thinking that means we're one of those pretty close-knit, tied-at-the-heart families that you read about in fictitious novels… Well...you're mostly right…

Finishing another row, I gather my tools and materials together, scan over the fulfilled task and hop backwards to take care of the rest. My gaze catches Reuben's for a second as he returns from the shed with his portion of the seeding. I've always loved Reuben's eyes; dark, though soft amber hues that remind me of a comforting sunbeam, embracing and protective from the darker shadows of life. But mostly, one shadow in particular; a dark shape whose existence makes every one of us feel chilled and hopeless. Reuben takes care of us in this way, not only with his eyes, but also through his encouraging words and uplifting support. Things that have been lifted from our souls by this heart-manipulating shadow are on an ever-widening list. We all try to defend each other from this numbing darkness, but lately, our efforts are becoming more and more in vain.

As our eyes go their separate ways, an obliterating chill strikes my spine with a hateful spite. The concept of unexplainable signs never settled well with me, less now than then, but this one skittered across my heart with unnerving persistence. Something flashed in those tarnished hues, an indeterminable cloud that almost screamed a warning for strength. I've seen him give my brothers that look before, more often than I like to think about, and it always brought a hidden weapon that leaves the most lethal scars upon those the gaze warns. My lip is again taken captive as my eyes mimic the flutter of my heart's discomfort by wavering helplessly. My actions begin to grow more intense in effort, a deep want to finish suddenly building in my arms and inadvertently heightening my work ethic. But my heart's will to be spared from trailing darkness is quickly brushed off and forgotten, like it never existed at all. Not that it should come as a surprise anymore…

"Ah, Brother Issachar…" And there it was…Reuben's eyes never lie, though sometimes I wish they would. Irony delivers me a sharp slap to across the face as the work area about me becomes darkened and cold, the sun being torn from my stained entity much like everything else that I longed to possess once more; like pride, encouragement…a purpose… Maybe my thoughts are too literary and abundant for my own good; perhaps I should give them up, too… God knows I have nothing else; why should a lack of personal thoughts matter?

"Hard at work as always. It's so comforting knowing that I have dependable and resilient brothers around me…"

'_What the hell is that supposed to mean? Eleven reliable losers to worship and serve you since everything else is taken care of? Save the compliments for someone who cares…_' I guess I should keep my ability to think since I'm sure I'd suffocate without being able to vent about the dripping insincerity that lingers about me. You're probably scowling at me, right? Staring with hateful confusion in your eyes, thinking my reaction was harsh and uncalled for. What insincerity? Deceitful how? I'll admit, my arguments don't appear that great right now, but you talk to any one of my brothers, and I'll bet he'll tell you the same. It's taken years to see it, but **_his_** words, **_his_** actions, **_his_** expressions… they may look kind, compassionate and even, nice, but we can all see the truth beneath the mask of lies…

He's merely complimenting **him**self… 

The sensation of a hand falling upon my shoulder tears me from my embittering thoughts, almost scaring me a little. The hoe bites deeply into the shifting soil, each particle struggling to evade the tool's strike in an almost frightened fashion. My strikes had gotten harsher, deeper, more vicious lately. I pity this shivering dirt; sympathize for its pain if you will…

_It's not quite unlike mine…_

"Is something troubling you, brother? You seem distracted and your efforts appear severe…" He trails off, a note of concern seeming to float into his words, the very essence of a saint enveloping him. He is so perfect…Perfect smile, perfect appearance…perfect existence even. How could I possibly feel cold towards someone so kind, so gentle, so empathetic… so perfectly infuriating!

'_'Is something bothering me?' He almost sounded like he cared that time. Not that it matters since it's his damn existence that puts the 'strain in my shoulders', the 'severity in my efforts', and the 'darkness in my eyes'! To hear him ask about my well-being is so ironic, it could be literary poison…_' But again, these are things I hold deep inside, the thoughts I can never reveal to the outside world. Speaking them will do no good, only creating more controversy…

"No…Joseph… Nothing's wrong…" Forcing my lips to bear a smile, though the strain threatens to kill me, I turn halfheartedly to face him, his hand falling from me. "Sorry, I didn't even hear you come up. You should know that my mind wanders while I work…" Should he? Should he know that I like to think while watching the stars and my mind likes to escape whenever I do things? Should he know that Benjamin likes the sheep with silvery wool rather than pure white like Zebulun? Should he know that Levi and Simeon love inventing new ways to complete chores, often turning it into a competition? Or that Naphtali prefers strategy to Asher's action plans of brute strength? How about Dan and his love of the sunrise versus Gad's preference for the sunset? What about Reuben's natural writing talents or Judah's interest in studying culture? Should he? Yes… But does he…?

"Actually, no. I thought you were always completely focused. Your work is consistently accurate, as though you're always on topic." Does that answer my question? Anything outside of his vision never seems to matter, as though it never truly exists; just makes cameo appearances. I guess it's a reflection of life that blinds our "special" brother. No one else seems to care about the unique qualities his brothers possess; why should he?

"Well, I've never liked to be normal… Letting my mind go helps my concentration, I guess…" I can feel my hand rise up and rub the back of my neck distractedly, my loss for actual words starting to reveal itself. I guess I am abnormal; always thinking, but never able to speak those thoughts. But maybe that's because I have little option of who to say them to. The only ones who will listen and understand are my other brothers, but it's hard to reveal the dark depths of my heart to even them sometimes. My mind has gone to haunting extremes…extremes that I'd rather like to forget. Extremes that always seem to incorporate a certain soul…

Though I am facing him, I can't look Joseph in the eyes. It's been so long since I have, but merely the thought of doing so, unearths violent scars that have been imprinted upon my heart over the years. But my reasoning runs far deeper than some petty jealousy that some may automatically pin unto me. Well, that's what I believe since I cannot take on the opinions of others. But I would hope that people will see the pain in my heart if I were to ever truly explain it to them; the truth behind the uncomfortable painted smile.

"But it is your eyes that lead me to believe you're troubled, brother. Our eyes communicate freely, remember?" I can't help it; my resolve finally cracked and my eyes face forward. Reality stabs at my heart, slashing open wounds of bitter memories and venomous realism as I face my deeply rooted hate with nothing to protect me.

_As I face what I also bear…_

**x-------------------------------x**

_"It has to be fate, brother Issachar. You and I were destined to be close, made to understand each other, don't you agree?"_

_"Uh…yeah…Joseph… Fate… Who would have guessed…?"_

_"Well, it makes sense, no? You always seem to see beyond base appearance, much like myself. You understand me; understand my words and almost my thoughts even. I can see it through your eyes."_

_"You're just that talented, I suppose…I just speak my heart…"_

_"And you should, since the mind can cloud sometimes… You know, even though our mothers were different, we're still brothers. We all are. But sometimes, I feel closest to you. We have this unexplainable connection, I know it. Our eyes prove that…"_

_"…Yeah…a rare shade of vision spheres…a hue that's not common by any means…"_

_"Exactly. Yet you and I share that aquamarine tint that resembles water itself. Isn't that just amazing?"_

_"Yeah…Joseph…simply amazing…so very special…"_

**x-------------------------------x**

Fate seems to bear a shade of bitter irony, doesn't it? I had one thing, one feature, one special trait that set me apart…made me unique. People noticed, liked them, even gave compliments. I won't deny that I loved these sparkling hues, grew overly proud of them. But years later, the numbing chains of dark fate venomously returned, closing around my wrists, writhing over my heart and dragged me back into its icy abyss. Pride became awkward embarrassment, admiration faded to the lonely shadows, love to hateful sadness, unique...nothing…

_…Special…faded… But not gone…_

_…Altered…shifted…manipulated…_

I must sound pathetic, right? Petty…jealous…selfish…correct? I can hear your thoughts: 'He should be proud to share such a rarity with his blessed sibling', 'One may be unique, but two is a miraculous phenomenon', 'How can you hate something that connects you with your own brother?'

Are my accusations accurate? I wouldn't be surprised if they are… Because they were once my own thoughts; my own bitter reflections…

**x-------------------------------x  
**_…It must be **such an honour** to have the same eye colour **as Joseph**…  
_**x-------------------------------x**

"Ah! Joseph! There you are!" The sudden appearance of an almost foreign voice jerks me from my acidic reflections and allows an all-too familiar sense of dread to seep into my blood. When Reuben "warned" me earlier, I knew things would be rough…

_…But I didn't realize just how abrasive…_

"What are you doing out here, dear boy?" My eyes try to escape the like-tinted orbs of my brother, but they are suddenly unable…**_As though their free will had been removed_**. A sharp pain in my hand attempts to free them, but without avail. I hadn't noticed that my left hand was clenched, but now, I can certainly feel it. But my eyes are still captive… Something inside me begins to shake…but its identity is veiled… Light? Or Dark?

**_Everything …gone… Anything outside his vision…Free will…taken…_**

"Oh, I had some spare time and wanted to roam a little, visit everyone." A numbing shot rips through the depths of my heart, though I force myself not to react. It seemed to have fired the second Joseph's gaze relinquished mine to face the owner of the question.

Relinquished… That's a bitter term for it…but it seems too accurate to be just coincidence… The shot strikes again, bringing a slicing thought to infect my tattered sanity.

When I locked sight with him, I couldn't look away. Why? Could it be that I have truly lost myself to the grasping clutches of my "blessed" sibling? And as he held my soul captive, as that is what's connected those wavering windows, it felt like he was inside that blackening abyss I call my heart. I could feel his presence permeating through my desperate defenses, his entity invading my very soul. He was cold, like stinging ice, and slowly began to freeze whatever grazed his searching fingertips.

_Searching…Overpowering…_

_**Controlling…**_

My hand tightens, work-cracked nails biting deep into callused flesh, and I find myself fighting to remain composed.

_…And only he could free me… This is getting surreal…_

**_This has to stop…!_**

"Actually, I was just commenting on how well Issachar is doing, Father. Doesn't the field look fantastic?" I cannot believe this…No, my mistake…I can. That selfish, egotistical…grrrah…God! Father already praises the dirt your self-righteous feet touch; why must you constantly give him more reason to worship you? This is my accomplishment! Mine…not yours! It—It's not fair…

_…Why must you take away everything important to me…?_

_…I thought we were close…Family…Brothers…Why…?_

"Yes, Joseph, it does. How kind of you to say so." No one can fathom just how much my heart hurts right now. You'd think I'd be used to it by now…but that means nothing. Every sentence, every word…every syllable; every time he comes near me, he finds more places to slash at. I can't imagine there being anything left to strike, but he obviously knows the truth. The thought about how ravaged my heart must visibly appear always brings burning tears beneath my cheeks and soon brimming my eyes. And though I do whatever it takes to remain calm and nonchalant…

_…Now is no different…_

I can feel my fist clench tighter…

"Where's Levi, Issachar? Isn't he supposed to be working with you?" It's getting harder to break my chains of emotional restraints now. Faces become soft blurs, like a smeared watercolour vision, voices becoming quiet whispers of atmospheric static. There are times that I fear I will lose what pitiful grip I have on this numbing world. Falling into a lost conscious state where nothing matters; no one…no emotions…no Joseph…no sadness…no pain…no Joseph…

_…Just an endless span of draping obsidian…_

"H-He's done already, Father. I…I did some tool maintenance and my other jobs before coming out, so he finished before me…" Was that my voice? That shaking, unsteady…unconfident voice…mine? I'm talking to my own father and I sound like that? Heh…I guess it makes sense…Look at me…I can't even look him in the eyes…My own father…

**_Maybe it's for the best… This stinging emotion is getting harder to keep suppressed…hidden…non-existent…_**

He says something to me before directing his voice at Joseph again. You wouldn't have thought he had been talking to me at all, since his eyes and stance remained focused on Joseph. Am I that unimportant? That insignificant…? Now that the world has Joseph, am I truly nothing but a shadow castor? _No name…no special existence…_

_Do I have feelings? Do I possess some unique purpose?_

_…Do I even matter…?_

Like tainted balloons in the wind, my embittering questions float away into the darkness, leaving nothing but a silent, answerless sense of hopelessness.

_Are the answers I long for truly out there? Or is God's silence trying to "shield" me from the truth?_

_I can't decipher what would hurt more now…the truth that I fear hearing…or this chilled silence…_

**_…Would that dark state really be so bad…?_**

The two of them continue to talk as though I am nothing, but a random spirit who knows not the road to salvation. Can't touch him, can't hear him…can't see him. The feeling is routine for me now, so I just re-grip the hoe and turn to continue with my chore. I want nothing more than to go elsewhere, but the faster I finish, the faster I can find Reuben or Gad or any one of my brothers and have real company. But it would seem my actions are not called for; taken without permission. Where is this going to end?

"Are you certain that you're okay, Issachar? You seem so distant and upset about something." His voice stabs at my ears like rusted knives and I almost cringe at the very sound.

'_You couldn't just get Dad's love for your sincerity and kindness quota, no…no… Father not only thinks I'm a slacker, but now, I'm weak too. Thanks so much, you self-absorbed big mouth. You really want to prove you care for me? Take a leap into an open chasm and save me from yourself…_'

"Your brother's right, Issachar. You do seem to be somewhat distracted." Of course he's right…He's **_always_** right. Even when he's corrupting what little hope his forgotten brethren possess, he's right.

Heh…you know what's ironic? It's much harder to grip sanity when he is right. It just furthers his claimed unique "perception" of us and it gives him more air for that already suffocating ego.

And why is he choosing now to inquire about my "state" in front of Father? This is practically a daily routine and he's never bothered to even glance at me with concern. Have his 'dreams' suddenly obtained the ability to read my personal thoughts and now he wants to impress people by "interpreting" them too?

**_I wish he were dead…_**

Tighter…Tighter…

"No really. I'm fine. It's just the sun; makes me look distressed." Swallowing back another wave of the bitter venom that's hatefully dancing upon my tongue, I reface them again with the stiffest and hopefully most convincing smile I can muster. I can feel those rusted hooks of painful lies tug at my cheeks, threatening to cut into my paling skin and infect my blackened heart all the more. How can he not see that I'm hurting inside when I look at him like this? If he can "read" my eyes so well, how can he be so blind?

_…Why do I bother to ask these questions…? I'll never find the answers…_

**_Lost conscious state where nothing matters…_**

**_I hate him…I wish he were dead… Hate…_**

Tighter…harder… Something hurts…tighter…

"Are you sure? I could help you; make the job faster. We all know you're a hard worker. You deserve the break." I swear something snapped deep inside of me. It has no name, no face…no true existence; it was just there…but now, not whole…

_**"Why… Is my work not as accurate as you claim it is? Am I not working fast enough for you? Is that what you meant? Deserve the break? How come? Have I screwed up that "x" many times and must be replaced? Am I just that inferior, Joseph! Huh? AM I!"**_

Hurt aquamarines widen; lips separate with shock. A reflex action from the father I've lost, a similar expression revealed on his aged visage. Disbelief as the greatest benefactor followed by the slowing of pained hearts. Emotion falls and mixes within the tainted soil of lost innocence and broken hope.

My mind is strong, but my will is cracked. The beautiful image and desired release is a comforting picture, a painting for perhaps a brighter future…

But thoughts are still thoughts and for now, the only one who knows is me…

Father's eyes have actually left Joseph to demand my answer and never have I prayed harder to have Reuben by my side. I've just been condemned…damned… Noose over the neck…

_And awaiting a dark death…_

"Issachar?"

Tighter…

"Um…well, I guess you can Joseph if you really want to. I can manage, but if you want…" Hell, a rat could see the insincere poison dripping out of my mouth. None of you will ever realize how difficult this stupid answer was. They say you learn from the mistakes of the past. It sounds logical enough…but…

_……How does one correct what is doomed to be wrong…?_

"Don't be ridiculous, Issachar." The image of hurt aqua and shocked visage blast into my mind and I nearly leak into my own countenance as well. I quickly look away, towards the ground, casting my face into shadow. I don't know exactly what I am trying to hide…

_…But it hurt…burned really bad…_

"You know your brother has things to do today and I don't want his coat to accidentally get damaged. I'm sure you're quite capable of doing this yourself, are you not?" They say the eyes bear the soul and are sharper than any knife-laden words. Now is no different. It wasn't so much his words that cut so deeply, causing my gaze to fall; it was his eyes. Their true message is hard to describe, but I could be blind and still practically taste his disappointment. Again, I should be numb to it now…but…but…

**_…Is something supposed to burn like this…? Dark state…nothing matters… Why does it hurt so much? …No sadness…no pain… It feels like a hot knife… no pain…_**

**_…No Joseph…_**

"…Yeah, Father… I said I could manage, but it's just that he asked and--" I've gotten quieter it would seem. Have I just learned to accept this life and to roll with these bruising strikes? Or maybe I've just given up, knowing my existence is bound to failure regardless…?

**_Or maybe a little bit of both…_**

…Tighter still…

"I know Joseph's offer was considerate, but you can't rely on his generosity all the time…" You cut me off to tell me that? That I shouldn't come running to my **_younger_** half-brother all the time for help! His generosity, huh? Is that what you call this underhanded, manipulative attempt at getting attention? Hah… Did I say attempt…? I **_am_** getting delusional now. When has Joseph ever merely "attempted"; Mr. Successful corn-star himself?

**_Why do my cheeks sting inside? Why does my heart feel the same…? I hate this…it hurts so much…_**

…Tighter…sharp pain…**_tighter_**…

"I know, Father, but--"

"Please don't blame Issachar, Father. I didn't mean for him to get in trouble; I just wanted to help. Everyone's out here working except me and I feel guilty about it. It's not fair to them." …'Them'… Doesn't that make you all loved and warm inside? Again I'm cut off and driven into the mud, only this time by a power more insulting. Heh…Let's recap, shall we? 'Father. Issachar here is: weak, incapable of working, doing a good job, knowing how to accept phony offers, of admitting his inferiority, and completely incompetent at defending himself. Therefore, we should try and block out his existence as much as we possibly can.'

I am so sick of playing interpreter to myself. I just wish people besides my other brethren had the ability to hear the true meaning behind Joseph's kind words and "loving" nature. I mean, this last line he just fed Father; total crap. First off, he doesn't give a damn about us nor does he comprehend the definition of fair. He stands there, bearing the rainbow coat of the Millennium and still has the guts to preach about what's fair… He's received more from our father in his life than the rest of us combined, years previous to his birth included and he would dare claim he knows what's fair! Peh…How convenient of him to suddenly notice the slight injustice of just the chore division at this particular moment…

_…But the worst part is… He believes Joseph… every time…_

**_I hate…hate…wish he…hate…dead… No pain… No Joseph… Hate…_**

"Oh, don't worry, Joseph. I know you meant well, but this is his responsibility. And don't sell yourself short, son; you contribute to many things around here. Why, just your kind heart is enough to prove that." You know that sudden spurt of rage I just subjected you to not seconds prior? It's gone; dissipated like water on a hot day… And in its stead… it's left that painful burning in my chest unattended. And without that precious, though desperately rejected barrier, my raw heart is exposed to the harsh, bitter lashes of reality, calling forth crimson tears to seep from ever-widening and constantly deepening gashes from that which beats for the lungs only…

An all-too familiar sting stabs at my cheeks as the biting pain in my hand draws numb. Again, it wasn't so much my Father's words that hurt me, though they definitely left their mark. I've forgotten what it feels like to be called son; the pride and self-appreciation…the love that this precious word holds. I can't recall the last time I've received moral support from the man who gave me life. I've come to rely on my brothers for that, but it's…it's just not the same.

But no…it wasn't his words that cut me so deeply, though I wish it were. I've learned how to forget words and discovered the trick to eliminate them from myself. But I cannot erase visuals; no matter how I try…they remain…imprinted forever…

His hard, critical, eyes left me to gaze at my half-sibling once again. But those chestnut hues, softened so beautifully, filled with such love and admiration that I can't even look at him anymore. My cheeks burn with a ferocity unknown and fearing to me as my mimicked aqua vision becomes blurry and pained.

Never has he looked at me that way; never. Never have his eyes fell upon me with such an adoring worship, like his prayers were answered. Never have I seen accomplished dreams in his eyes when they meet mine. And no matter how hard I try, no matter how much blood, sweat and tears I shed, no matter what I sacrifice and contribute…

_…He'll never give me that loving gaze of a proud father… I'll never know the warm feeling it gives…_

**_…Never… Never… Never…_**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x  
**_You will never be strong enough  
_**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**_…Just another faceless puppet… Existence is expendable… Will never have purpose… It's all been stolen…removed…_**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x  
**_You will never be good enough  
_**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**…_It's all because of him…him… He's the cause of all this pain…him…him…_**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x  
**_You were never conceived in love  
_**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**_…Father loved only her… Loves Joseph best…best… You're without use…he has Joseph now… He who reads your corn and stars… They all belong to him…him…him…_**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x  
**_You will not rise above  
_**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**_…Doomed to fail…cursed to suffer… Fated to be nothing…_**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x  
**_You won't cry for my absence, I know  
__You forgot me long ago_  
**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**_…Destined to be a faceless nobody…_**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x  
**_Am I that unimportant?  
__Am I so insignificant?  
_**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**_Lost conscious state where nothing matters… No sadness… No pain… No emotions… No Joseph…_**

My body had turned itself at some point during my focus loss. Nothing further spoken between the two blood relatives registered into my head. But, like usual, nothing appeared to relate to me anyway. I can sense Reuben's eyes on me now, but no amount of hopeful grins or eye speeches is going to heal these wounds…

I have no idea how long they remained gloating behind my back, but they were gone now, leaving me alone in my numbing sense of bitter pain. Only as my left hand comes to take possession of the tool's handle once more do I fully realize how clenched this throbbing hand is.

Face tilted down, the embracing thought of being in comforting shadows, I slowly attempt to mentally pry my shaking fingers apart. The digits hadn't moved and I can already sense the dripping warmth slipping over my fingers.

The deep cuts upon my palm tear a small shameful cringe from my soul as my body freezes. For several minutes afterwards, the burning in my eyes is finally relieved, allowing emotion to fall from my forgotten countenance freely. Many of those hurt ovalesque drops aim for my crimson streaked appendage; two bitter, sad and darkened waters of hurt salt mixing for eternity and spattering upon the damaged earth below me.

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x  
**_They'll never see  
__I'll never be  
__I've struggled on and on to feed this hunger  
__Burning deep inside of me_  
**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


	2. Tourniquet

**Notes:**

… Narration

_…_ Reflections

"…" Spoken words for the scene

'_…_' Direct thoughts for the scene

**_…_ **Dark thoughts/reflections from deep within

**x-x-x-x-x** Separation borders to indicate chosen song Lyrics

**x-x** Separation borders to indicate a memory

Separation borders to indicate entrance into the soul will be the border provided in Document Manager.

-

**Behind the Blindfold of Lies - Tourniquet...**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x  
**_I'm so sick of speaking words that no one understands  
__Is it clear enough that you can't live your whole life all alone?  
__I can hear you when you whisper  
__But you can't even hear me screaming  
_**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

_"So tell me, Joseph. What is this new dream telling about your wondrous future…?"_

_"I'm not sure, Father, but I want to believe it means I'm destined to rise to a high position in society, where my decisions will contribute greatly to the future."_

_"Oh, my son. This is simply amazing. I've always known you were blessed and fated for greatness, but to hear it prophesized brings tears of pride to my eyes."_

_"Oh…you needn't cry, father. I'm still only guessing at what I see. Only time will prove me right or wrong."_

_"Have faith, Joseph. Have faith… You know… When I gaze at your eyes, those gorgeous aquamarine eyes, all I see is your mother. Her eyes were bluer, yes, but you look so much like her, that it matters not. When I look into your water-tinted eyes, I see hope and light for the future… You are destined for greatness…"_

_"Thank you, Father. Your support means a lot."_

_"…Uh---um… Excuse me… Father…"_

_"Hmm…Issachar! How long have you been standing there?"_

_"U-Uh…N-Not long… J-Just a couple of seconds…"_

_"Well, what is it?"_

_"I just wanted to make sure the new crop layout and arrangement was okay with you, so that I can start planting---"_

_"Yes, yes. Hurry off, now. There's lots to do…"_

_"Y-Yes…okay… Thank you…"_

_"Hang on, brother Issachar. Wait for me! I'll come out and help you. Many hands make light work, you know."_

_"Oh…that's okay, Joseph. Thanks for the offer, but I can manage just fine…"_

_"Don't be silly, boy. With Joseph's help, it will get done twice as fast. You should learn to accept help once and a while."_

_"Yes…but…Father…"_

_"Don't be stubborn. Both of you, go on now. The seeds won't plant themselves."_

_"…Yes…sir…"_

_"All right, Issachar. Let's go and tackle this thing together."_

_"Yeah…Joseph…together…great…"_

**x-------------------------------x**

I try and suppress it, but another sigh leaks from my lips into the mild Canaan air. The sun had taken its leave a few hours prior, and with my work done, I drifted off into the night to be alone for a while. The rest of the afternoon is basically a blur, a murky swirl of colours in my fractured mind. I haven't spoken a word in hours, though no one seemed to take any notice. Probably for the better; I'm not exactly keen on explaining it to anyone right now.

A small breeze ruffles my short, dark hair, the looser strands waving listlessly. My eyes feel blank as they stare across the bluish sands and into the black horizon. It's like the pupil and iris have melded together, leaving the black and aqua tints as a cloudy teal mess.

Though I loved gazing up at the stars, I forced myself to give it up. The very thought of the precious sky betraying me to give Joseph a bigger ego just brings more burning emotion to these empty spheres of mine. As I've said, I have virtually nothing of my own left; nothing I care about escapes the vortex of darkness. It leaves a bitter taste to say the least.

My arms wrap around my knees tighter, pressing my legs against my chest and abdomen. My forearms hide most of my face now, allowing only my eyes and forehead to continue watching the scenery. My thoughts try desperately to float away from those hated memories, but it's getting so hard to run away in my mind now. I try and escape one door, but it just opens another, this one filled with pain. Another door: Sadness; Another: Bitterness; Another: Anger; Another: Tears; Another: Loneliness; Another: Longing; Multiples open and reveal more hatred.

The list goes on forever, and once one door opens, it becomes impossible to shut. A hopeless maze of ultimate darkness and hell…

**_…Such is…me…_**

'_I wouldn't advertise that if I were you._' Reuben's joking tone still holds strong within my mind and I find myself fighting the urge to smile a little. I once told my brothers this portrayal of my mind, and that was his response. Most of them joined in with more comments to make light of the situation and eventually, we just laughed and let it go. But deep down, I knew it was a strain for every one of us to do so. I only remember one face from that day, the countenance of the loneliest of us all.

He looked at me for only a split second, but the effect felt like eternity. Two bright cerulean orbs that not only understood my words, but dealt with them every second of his life. Usually the one to offer hopeful tips for random things, that day, he was completely silent. But again, it was the eyes that affected me.

A child's eyes are meant to be blissfully joyful, full of foolish, imaginative light of aspiring dreams. Bursting with laughter, sparkling with child-like joys and innocence, which will fade over time, but at that moment, mean everything in the world. Soaked in curious wonder, but mostly, warmed by a deep love and compassion given to them by their family, but especially their parents…

I faintly remember that age of my own where the best friends aren't actually there, ancient creatures lived all around and the sky was boundless. The clouds are always something and even the smallest creature is not only a fascination, but also an object for protection. Each of us felt like that once, each clinging to those memories for dear life. But Benjamin; young, innocent Benjamin, was denied this state of pink cloud dreams. Tainted by rejection and loneliness from day one, Benjamin relies on our comfort to get him through the dark days and sleepless nights. Also son to _Rachel_, but included in our reject circle, Benjamin understands our pain and more.

What was meant to be sparkling Laguna, has now become blackened ultramarine, an agonizing mess of broken dreams and shattered colour.

**_All because of him…him…HIM…_**

"Hey, bud. You look bluer than Gad on a cold night." I don't need to look at the newcomer, his voice being the makeshift father I have come to rely upon. The comment was a running joke, since the eleven of us all know that Gad has zero heat retention, including Gad himself.

I can feel him sit beside me, and sense his amber shades fall upon my unaltered entity. I am really thankful he's come; some dangerous thoughts have arisen in my mind and I ache to find the answers I seek, before the acid eats away too extensively. But there's a part that would rather not know…Why, I wonder?

"Just trying to match the scenery, I guess…" Though my sentences drift off still, I don't stutter like a chattering idiot when I speak away from my "father". Maybe it's because he listens to me or it's because he can't stand Joseph either, or again, a combination of both. Either way, being with him makes me actually feel important.

"He hit you pretty hard today, didn't he?" Another thing I like about my eldest brother; though he's compassionate towards one's feelings, he's also straight to the point. No manipulative word games or fancy dancing around; simple intelligent sentences that identify the problem instantly and work rapidly to fix it.

"…Yeah…a little… What gave me away…?" My body betrays me and shivers a little. What's worrying? It's not that cold out here. No… This chill is internal, as though, my soul had literally frozen. I almost feel completely numb; my emotions still stand, but with each second that fades into the past, I seem to fall further into that state of darkness my mind keeps offering. What's worse is: the fear that's been holding me back, keeping me sane and safe… Its chains are loosening and the silvery key is in sight. At this rate, it won't be long before I'll be groping for that small object with a mad passion…

**_I can't take this anymore… I hate him so much… I wish he would disappear…gone…gone… I want him to…to…_**

**_Die…_**

"Hmm…well, considering these are the first words you've spoken in at least seven hours and you've had this shadow in your eyes for a while now, I figured it was safe to assume." His legs extend out and he leans back on his hands, staring into the horizon much like myself. His voice is so soft and caring; it almost sounds unreal, like some otherworldly manifestation of my mind.

"Even Levi looked worried regarding you, and you know how hard it is to work him up…"

**_I'm getting worse… It's getting harder to keep this suppressed… Losing control… Falling into darkness…_**

"Yeah…"

_**Ask him…**No…I can't… **Ask him…** I don't want to know…** Ask him…** B-But… **Ask HIM…**_

"Reuben…" I notice him turn to look at me, and though I haven't moved, I can see the nervousness within tawny spheres. He had caught the dark note in my distant tone. I didn't want to ask, but something inside has taken control. I've confronted the reaper now, and I lay between light and dark, a faded twilight. His scythe rests upon my throat, waiting to determine my fate.

**_Ask him NOW…_**

"Why do you hate Joseph…?" I know I caught him off guard, though he shows little to prove it. I wonder if it's because he knew that I had figured him out? I wonder if he fights with himself over that feeling, struggles against the choking tendrils of deepest obsidian…

He looks solemnly at me, as though remembering the day he himself asked that. How long ago was it, I wonder? Slowly, he falls back onto the sand, lying back on his hands, and lets out a steady sigh.

"…Gee…Issachar… That's kinda blunt… I…I'm not sure how I can---"

**_Make him say it…_**

"Please, Reuben…please tell me…" Help me understand this painful feeling… The scythe moves closer, grazing the flesh ever so slightly, savouring the metallic tang as the tiny trail slips over the platinum blade. It waits impatiently…waits to taste more…

"Hmmm…well…there are so many reasons. By themselves, they may seem like nothing but petty excuses. I guess it's the overwhelming combination that just possessed me." Possessed? How often have I used that word in regards to this situation…? More than I'd like to admit… To hear Reuben use it gives me a flicker of dark hope…

_…Hope that everyone understands me…_

**_That's not enough… You're still clinging to the light… You're still afraid… What combination? ASK HIM!_**

"What reasons, Reuben? Please tell me… I…I need to know…" He sighs again; worry or relief? I don't know…

_…Currently…nor do I care…_

"…Okay…Mostly, it's all the attention he gets. It's one thing to be favoured unjustly; it's another to be worshipped…" My lips act on their own and issue him a whispered response, urging him forward. So far, my own dark feelings are justified…more hope…

"I mean, everyone adores him. And you know I'm not exaggerating when I say 'everyone'." Another whisper. "And you know what? Even though it kind of bothers me, I'm…okay with it. Really…who am I to judge what other people think? It's discouraging, sure, to have people like him better for no apparent reason, but… I can live with that." It's true; I've told myself that before. So people prefer Joseph; that's their decision. It sucks, but life **_is_** tough…

The blade waits… Softly, the dark void in my heart starts to ripple outwards, like an ink stain… The cold steel waits…

"But then…there was our Father. I can handle everyone else, but this is our parent. He's supposed to love us equally, no?" Biting back the urge to mutter 'apparently not' into the still air, I bite my lip and wait.

"I've done everything except sell my soul for our father, and it doesn't mean spit to him. And even if I did, it still wouldn't matter. He still loves Joseph more. But I'm his son, too… Why doesn't he acknowledge that anymore…?" H-He understands, t-too…? Yes, he would… The term son, dear boy or any other affectionate title has been stripped from all of us, or in Benjamin's case, never existed. The void widens, but it makes me feel happier, not afraid…

_…I'm not alone…_

"But again, I can't control the way people feel. If our father wants to honour Joseph over me…then……fine…"He stops to sigh a little. The hurt air practically lifts and enters me, locating its comfort within my heart and settling heavily.

"And it's not like I can blame Joseph either. Heh…don't get me wrong… There's nothing I'd like to do more. I want to say he conspired it, but we all know that's not true. This applies with everyone else liking him too; we can't use it as an excuse to curse him…" How is this possible? I know he's my brother, but should he feel **_exactly_** the same way I do? Every word…? Should I really feel relieved or should my soul spiderweb and fall into the bottomless abyss? I still don't know how to truly feel…Am I too lost or…

**_…I hate him…I hate him…I hate him… All this pain… I can't take this… This has to stop!_**

"Then… Joseph got his coat. You know how hard I fight the drive of materialism, so I'm sure you can acknowledge how serious this is for me to mention it…" I whisper to him again, my voice gone and relying on the mere air from my lungs to answer.

"Okay, so Father loves him best…Fine…but does he have to flaunt it to the world? I feel discarded enough, and now my own father posts this flashing neon sign to announce it to everyone…" He sighs again and I accept the pained release into my heart once more.

"But again…I calmed myself down, searched out the positive side and just let it go. Materialism… It's just a coat, so what? Just an overly loud jacket that doesn't reflect true personality. I'll just have to rely on my superior intelligence and good looks instead…" He laughs a little to lighten my spirits, but barely receives a reaction. Caught between my numbing realizations of feeling justified and wondering what it meant, I remain completely focused on the inky horizon line. Taking note of my nerve-wracking silence, my brother prepares to continue…

**_Just one reason after another… Why should we have to suffer through this…? More importantly, how much longer can we stand against him…?_**

A sudden stab within my hand brings those darkening tendrils tighter, causing the reaper of my mind to laugh with such twisted amusement; I shudder again. Those harsh words are getting louder… No longer dark static either, but clear, focused statements…

...Biting cold steel lies upon my shoulder, blade ever poised…_Am I too lost to be saved…?_

"It wasn't enough that everyone else was shoving our faces in the dirt of failure and inferiority, but then, Joseph jumped on the band wagon with those demeaning dreams of his. But it extends so much deeper than that… So, not only does the "world" treat Joseph like some deity, but now, God favours him as well. How can we compete with that?" I don't respond, trapped in the black abyss of indecision. But I can feel that hateful void spread again, accepting the explanation and growing stronger. My slowing heart trembles with a familiar, though faltering fear, as though it anticipated my betrayal.

"But if he is truly meant to be blessed, then I'm happy for him, despite my inner thoughts. I shouldn't be jealous of someone who has been kissed with success. I guess it was more the dreams themselves…" Yes…it was the dreams and how they were portrayed, not so much by whom they were told by…

**_The very thought of the precious sky betraying me to give Joseph a bigger ego just brings more burning emotion to these empty spheres of mine…_**

**_…I… Hate… Him…_**

"My most treasured work is the cornfield. It probably applies to all of you, but it's my pride and joy. Blood, sweat and tears, I put my soul into growing my share of the corn quota. As stupid as it sounds, my stalks are like my babies and I take great pride in watching them grow over the months. And when they're harvested and sold, I just get this warm feeling inside…" I can feel my whole body loosen and I become rather curious. It's been ages since I've heard Reuben talk so passionately about something. His voice almost sounds euphoric; I can practically see the light sparkling in his amber spheres. He hasn't been passionate in years, yes, but his eyes, when they're shining, they are impossible to forget. I miss this… Being happy…I miss it…

…**_All because of him… He took everything away… No… He continues to strip you and your brothers of every possible thing… He's taken control of you all… He's taken your happiness…your pride…you…_**

**_…It's all his fault…_**

"But Joseph…he destroyed all of that…" Reuben's dramatic change in tone almost scares me, but in my current state, I don't react as much as I should have. But it still caught me off guard and I actually find my sight abandoning the Indigo horizon to glance at him. This time, I did shiver and had to look away. The darkness I caught in those spheres, even if just for a split-second glimpse, sent paralyzing tremors through my spine. Reuben was the most together of us all, most responsible and…least likely to hate anything. That's what made my question so obscure and risky…

**_But you knew… Deep down inside…you knew… Brothers are perceptive…but should you know and understand him so clearly…? Look what he's done to you… Look what he's done…_**

"It was bad enough that his **_dreams_** told of how I am inferior, but for him to use what I love most to…" Inky black engulfs further… Frozen steel grazes again…

**_…That affected you, too, but it was his control of your star that got you, wasn't it…? How he swiped what was most precious to you for his own selfish use… He's shattered you…all of you…_**

"It's not enough that my hard work…**_MY_** pride and joy was bowing down to that bloated ego dreamer… **_No!_** But something I put so much into, something that hold's my soul's very essence, he dares to call that life…my life…green, small and second rate! I couldn't believe that overbearing egotism…it ruined everything I held so dear!" Reuben's violent growl accentuates his words beyond perfection, but it threw such a violent stab of ice into my blood, I fear suffering from a chill that will haunt me forever, eternally infused to my bones. My hand throbs again, though its cause seems unknown…

_…Is it agreement…or is it a warning…?_

It takes Reuben so long to get composed again; this scares me further. I never realized just how deeply Joseph's reign of destruction had spread…

**_…How can you let this continue…? This corrupt manipulation of your hearts…minds…souls… This has to end…_**

"I guess that's what pushed me over the edge. That and the fact that any good qualities I have, Joseph gets all the credit." My body paralyzes; it almost feels like my heart stopped dead. Was Reuben reading my dysfunctional thoughts? If it's possible, it feels like my eyes faded into a blank state only achieved through expert hypnosis As though I'm watching that widening void inside my heart, a black wave washes over my vision.

…The reaper's platinum scythe has become rusted with my tainted life. The cuts are very slight, but they infect themselves deeper than the surface; poisoned tendrils writhing their way into my heart…

**_…Just like Joseph… The reaper of souls… Look at his face… Yes…that's it… It's him, isn't it…? That ivory skull that's forever laughing at your forgotten existence… He's taken everything from you and now…_**

**_…He wants your life too…_**

"He's corrupted all of us, Reuben… I'm nothing to our father… Nothing, but Joseph's failed reject… His inferior shadow… An intermediate carbon copy… '_Our eyes prove that_'…" I feel so strange at this point in time… I spoke those words…I did…but the voice…it couldn't have been mine. It was deeper, almost peaking a growl. It sounded violent, darker…almost fit to kill…

I can feel Reuben's eyes on me again, but the tainted amber didn't have the same level of worry floating through them as before. No… they almost feel relieved that I actually understand Joseph's true, manipulative self. And strangely, that fills me with more comfort than concern ever could…

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x  
**_But through my tears breaks a blinding light  
__Birthing a dawn to this endless night  
__Arms outstretched, awaiting me  
__An open embrace upon a bleeding tree  
_**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

"Issachar… I don't want you to think badly of me for this…" I'm barely focused on the scenery in front of me, so I don't see him rise back into a seated position, his eyes never leaving me. All I had was my ears to detect the better projection of his voice as he sits and that warm feeling my forgetting heart feels when Reuben's eyes care for me. He goes to explain further, but the voice stops him…my voice…mine…

**_…Something Joseph won't take away…_**

"I could never think badly of you, Reuben… You and the others…never…" I slowly turn to look at him, a solemn smirk settled over my lips. Solemn…? No…it felt almost sinister, curious to know what Reuben's thoughts hold.

**_…And I like it…_**

"For the past couple of weeks, the others and I have been contemplating a plot to get rid of Joseph… It's gotten to the point where no one has any second thoughts about cleansing our ruined lives of that selfish, daydreaming ego."

"In fact, the only one left to ask was you. We know how busy you've been, hence why we put off offering… A-And I know the though of getting rid of someone is distasteful…but…I'm just so sick of the lies… I hate wearing the mask of deceit every second of my existence…" I know he wants to keep going, but his words trail off into the now chilled air of this cursed land of Canaan. Tainted by hate, pain and sadness…

I open my hand and stare at the deep cuts left by the hurt anger Joseph had bestowed my soul with today. My elbow remains on my knee, as does my chin, and I just stare at the bright crimson scars. Heavy silence wisps about us for several minutes, though it felt like a literary eternity…

"…To be rid of Joseph…huh…?" That dark voice leaves my lips again, but it feels more comfortable now. I like the sound of it; so confident, so together…the embodiment of what I could never be before… The sinister note is slightly nerve-wracking, but it's too comforting to hate.

…The reaper of my mind has faded now, like he had never been there at all. I'm standing alone in the obsidian miasma now, cringing at the warm, viscous trails that flow over my paled skin. More wounds left by the deceptive evil that plagues our lives. It's a strange sensation; every breath I take in seems to bring in some of the dark atmosphere with it. Likewise, with every exhale, it scrapes my mind of any doubt and any trace of light from my heart. It doesn't take long for my entity to be filled with this dark aura…

_…Though I should be scared at how possessed by darkness I seemed to have become…I'm actually quite content…almost…_

_…Complete…_

**_Look what he has done to you… You have to rely on a being of darkness to feel alive again…to feel free…_**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x  
**_Rest in me and I'll comfort you  
__I have lived and I died for you  
__Abide in me and I vow to you  
__Iwill never forsake you  
_**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

"**_Well, if one were to analyze this… Joseph has already killed each one of us…_**" I continue to stare at my bloodstained palm, suppressed anger dancing about my newly acquired voice. The hatred begins to take physical form as my hand begins to shake…

* * *

"No…Issachar…you know this is wrong… He's your brother and always will be…you can't _kill_ him..."

My possessed form stares blankly at this manifestation that appeared in the empty obsidian abyss I have been lost within. It is a child-like version of my previous self…the one I have been for so long. Raw fear struck in his aquamarine spheres, he returns my stare with desperate pleading for my salvation. How pathetic I looked now; so small, so meek…so inferior… He cannot hide the pain from me; it's etched in his tear-stained face. Never could speak his feelings… **_totally gutless…_** Never proud… **_completely repressed…_** Never happy… **_Always lorded over…_**

He stands before me now, begging that I reconsider, that I just stand strong and spare Joseph. 'He never meant to hurt you' placed upon his lips, but incapable of being spoken. Incapable… **_Just like everything else!_**

"**_He not my brother… Never… I'm not doing this for me… I'm doing this for you… I want the pain to stop!_**"

My body turns and walks into the black nothingness, abandoning my last flicker of light and accepting the awaiting darkness within…

* * *

"Issachar…?"

"…**_It's about time we return the favour…_**"

Torn flesh is clenched shut and the contract of a forgotten soul is sealed…

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x  
**_Show me the shadow where true meaning lies  
__So much more dismay in empty eyes  
_**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**


End file.
